Promotion for Sir Les!

No not Sir Les Patterson (Austrailian Cultural Attache) but Sir Leszek Borysiewicz. He will be the 345th vice-chancellor of the University of Cambridge but the highest Scrabble score ever.

Cue the diet

Along with his £100,000 first prize for winning the UK Snooker championship, Ding Junhui also scooped an unusual prize from new sponsors Pukka Pies as he takes home his own weight (69kg) in pies for winning their event.

Oh that Bill Werbenuk were alive today!

Ursine news

Apparently bears don't like honey!

We eagerly await an update on their defecatory habits.

Shop ping

Natalie sends this lovely pic saying "If you can't find the book you want, you are probably in the ...."

PS If you track back in this blog to Oct 29, 2008 you will see my own sap of the shop.

No news is , err, no news

Apparently Good Friday, 1930 was a slow day.

The BBC announcer said "There is no news tonight"

This has not happened since.

Spot the artist 3 - Beginners level

This is Liu Bolin - The Invisible Man. He literally paints himself so he fits in with the background.

Now can you see him by the digger?

(Thanks to Alf who sent me this)

Spot the artist 2

Clue: Look carefully at the area around the front wheel and the bucket

Spot the artist

No danger of "Lost Sheep" here!

Very nice Mr Rodin..

.. but what were your learning objectives?

Adult education toes the line

Ratings wars

A Brazilian politician who fronts a popular television crime show is being investigated for allegedly ordering a series of murders in a bid to boost his ratings.

Guardian

A VC replies

The Vice-Chancellor of Chad Valley University today angrily rejected the Birmingham Met dress code.

Smart teaching

Birmingham Metropolitan College has introduced a dress code for staff requiring tidy hair, business suits and skirts, no visible tattoos, no slogans on T-shirts or "ostentatious ear-rings".

The college defended the rules saying it was "important that our staff present a professional image".

Should I put a plaster over my tattoo when writing an elearning course?

What next? A dress code for students?

For weaving through the traffic

Sent in by the Reverend

Truck Of theDay

A giant artic from McVities.

On the back it said:

"Warning. No Jaffa Cakes are stored in this truck overnight"

Arresting news

The Ig Nobel prizes are with us once more.

My favourite is the prize for literature that has been given to the Irish police force.

The most frequent driving offender in Ireland is Prawo Jazdy with over 50 tickets

Prawo Jazdy in Polish means "Driving Licence"

Driving at its best!

Photo sent in by Anne

New VC means business

Very diverting

Home, dry home

Cardiff University staff have been told that drinking at work is forbidden and the policy staets that employees' homes will be considered part of the workplace when they work there.

Full story

Goodbye to old black eyes?

BBC naturalist says let them die out.

Truck of the Day

"Tardis Environmental" Apparently it is one of the leading companies in the industry for portable toilet hire.

What a muiissed opportunity! They could have called it "Turdis"

VC in hot water

By the way, the contributor on "Lust" appears to have upset a lot of people.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2009/sep/23/university-female-students-perk

OU dress awful!

Graham Farmelo citing “Sartorial inelegance” as the number one academic sin in the THE:

“No institution has done more recently than The Open University to consolidate the reputation of academics as the worst-dressed people in the country. The BBC ably assisted, repeating OU programmes annually, with the embarrassment at the clothing choices on display sometimes rising above the human pain threshold.

Even if the OU had recruited only sharply dressed presenters, most people would still believe that dons have the dress sense of Mr Bean”

Surely he is not referring to the new Vice-Chancellor?

Can't complain

Chat up lines

They have done a statistical analysis of good and bad chat up lines on a dating site here .

I can summarise it for you:

Good =

Howdy. Sorry but as an atheist I find it fascinating that you mention a Zombie band. What good taste!

Bad =

Hi God U R sexy . Wot is your email?

Rivetting

Sent in by Dave - more at Failblog.

I wonder

Is it mispelled(?) in Chinese as well?

Get a classic haircut in MK

A truly green car

A bit brighter?

Beware!!

Ed Techies at play at ALTC conference ( Picture borrowed from "Timbuckteeth"!?!)

Open Prison

Duncan Campbell, writing in the Guardian last Saturday, referred to the Open University benefiting a generation of north London armed robbers in the 1970s.

" Meeting one of them for a drink one night in the pub, I noticed that he was reading Virginia Woolf's To The Lighthouse. I mentioned this , with a snigger, to another armed robber who replied, without drawing breath: 'Not her best' "

Birthday

Today's date is 09/09/09

At 09:09:09 this morning, I wished myself Many Happy Returns.

Satnav yourself out of this!

The ultimate roadsign sent in by Daphne.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!

Thank god!

They've turned up at last.

Caption Contest 2

"Hi Honey. I'm on the drain"

Meanwhile, back at that pier..

Parking? No chance!

What not to do and why

A new discipline?

More beach rules

Damn! I had to abandon my 10 gallon cooler, my tent-like structure and my swiss string!

Is "she" having a larf?

Whatever made the judges suspicious of this petite svelte athlete called Caster Semenya?

Could it be her obviously made-up name? Caster is very close to "castor", the Latin for beaver. And we all know what Castor and Pollux is Cockney rhyming slang for.


And then there is her surname - Semen - ya?

Oh dear!

By the time I had read this, I think I was guilty of loitering.

About time!

Dean Richards considers his 3 year Rugby ban:

It seems a little bit disproportionate but, at the end of the day, I'll reflect on it overnight and obviously see where my thoughts are in the morning."

Don't ask me

If you like lash-up solutions

.. go to http://thereifixedit.com/
(Sent in by John O'D)

M1 Gantry Message of the Day

"ANIMALS IN THE ROADWAY -SLOW"

Has the summer migration of the muntjaks started early this year?

And 3rd prize goes to....

Change Management Chinese-style

http://www.managementtoday.co.uk/channel/Leadership/news/922943/irate-chinese-steel-workers-kill-boss-scupper-merger/

Reports this morning state that employees of the state-owned Tunghua Iron and Steel company, in the industrial north-east of the country, were ‘unhappy’ about plans for a proposed takeover by private sector rival the Jianlong Steel Holding Company. The deal could apparently have resulted in the loss of as many of 25,000 of the 30,000 jobs at the plant.

In fact they were so ‘unhappy’ that when the general manager of Jianlong, one Chen Guojun, pitched up last Friday to give them a pep talk, some 3,000 workers took matters into their own hands and rioted. In the course of which disturbance, the unfortunate Chen was reportedly beaten to death, and 100 other people were injured. Makes those French militants and their crazy boss-napping antics look positively small-time by comparison.

Another award-winner

Contractor Award Winner 2008

Sent in by Peter B

Boolean algebra for beginners

Ancient Egyptian warning

Do not adjust reality

Not all that friendly?

Daphne writes to tell me that "While the south-west of the South Island moved about 30 centimetres closer to Australia, the east coast moved only 1 centimetre westwards".

So I think that a) NZ is getting bigger and b)not all of NZ is rushing to join Australia

A friendly gesture

Apparently New Zealand moved 12 inches closer to Australia as a result of today's quake

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8151530.stm

Rehab for Steven Gerrard?

Skinning up

"International swimming has been engulfed by "suit wars" since the LZR Racer broke the mould early last year. By the end of the year, 108 new records had been set. Even when doping was rife in the 1970s and 1980s, records did not fall with such abandon.

By the time swimming's governing body, Fina, met at Dubai in March, the second generation of super suits was launched. The second-generation suits are 100% polyurethane and impermeable, and are so tight that swimmers take up to 40 minutes to put them on."

It seems to me that there should be a LeMans start. Swimmers have to run to their suits, get in them, then do the race.

Signs explained

Thanks to Chris D for this little gem

Poor navigation?

For this submarine the war is definitely over.

Obama Babe in Mercy Dash to the Palace

First experiment results were inconclusive - although I did get one hit from "Hicksville" in the USA.

So, I try again.

Sex, drugs and rock & roll

This is an experiment. My site-meter (yes I am slightly geeky)tells me that readership picked up after I mentioned Michael Jackson. So this entry should get them flooding in!

Compulsory Bad Taste Michael Jackson Joke

Coroners who have examined Michael Jackson's remains have said that, on average, he was 45.27 years old at the time of death.

Late caption entry

And now Miss Finland wearing her national dress.

Horses for courses?

L'Oreal has been found guilty of racial discimination in France

http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/law/article6570856.ece

Apparently they wanted all-white teams to sell their Fructis shampoo.

But what about when they are selling suntanning products? Will there be reverse discrimination?

Caption Competition Results

1st: Peter who ,with a fine disregard for matters piscatory, had Greta saying "Your plaice or mine?"

2nd: Anon with the fish saying "Gottle o geer! Gottle o geer!"

3rd: J with her Irish pun


PS Following a tip-off from your blogger, Private Eye have covered the topic of fish censoring on Page 11 of the current issue (the cheque is in the post apparently)

Today's Typo's*

The Grauniad used to be much much more fun in the days before it got a SpellCheck. Now only the odd typo sneaks through. My favourite was "Mr Majorcan" instead of "Mr Major can".

As I typed "Robin Mason's funeral toady", I realised that I am not immune to this particular error- the perfectly-spelled typo.

Have any readers succumbed to such blunders? Did laughter ensue?

* Should that have been "Typos" or "Typoes" perhaps?

That pesky fly

Obama swatting a fly has had a major impact and not only for the fly.

1. A Utube version at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sV3_LUBGTU

2. John O'Dwyer, a colleague in the OU library, got a letter in the Guradian on the subject http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/jun/19/guardian-letters

3. Radio 4 wheeled in Simon Blackburn, philosophy professor at Cambridge, to discuss the moral issues involved

How Green Was My University

Not very in the case of the Open University. We dropped from 75th to 101st out of 126 institutions acccording to the Times Higher today. What went wrong?

1. We could gain points if HR added some "responsibility for environmental management" to everybody's job spec.
2. Apparently we consume too much water. I suggest that we wash less and drink more beer.
3. We could score more if we had an "Ethical Investment Policy". I will ask our partners Raytheon (cruise missiles) what they think.
4. Two points are available for a "Fair-trade policy". If we got rid of the Nestle water coolers it might help.

Caption Competition No2

This was the version in the Guardian. It had been rejected by the Telegraph (see previous)who sent out for a slightly bigger cod.

Coming soon, Jordan's save the sardine campaign!

Entries so far

"‘tis the piece of cod that surpasseth all understanding" (Robin)

"She'd give anything for a coddle." (Angus)

And an Irish pun!:

"Cad ba mhaith leat?" (Jose)

Pronounced "cod buh woh latt" and means "What would you like?"

Caption competition

"Nice codpiece Greta"

All roads lead to Milton Keynes?

From our Egyptian Correspondent

Thanks to Peter Barnes who spotted this (last bullet point)

Feeling a little ho(a)rse?

"Just cut my finger nails and polish the hooves ,please"

Why no Labour Grandees?

The articles on the expenses scandal always refer to "Tory Grandees"

Wikipedia says:

Grandee is a word used either to render in English the Iberic high aristocratic title Grande, used by the Spanish, Portuguese and Brazilian peerage, or by analogy to refer to other people of a somewhat comparable, exalted position, roughly synonymous with magnate, and in particular by analogy to a formal upper level of the nobility, such as peerage (especially if granted parliamentary seats). By extension the term can refer informally to any important person of high status, particularly a wealthy, landed long-time resident in an area.

So it looks as thogh you need a title and land to be a grandee. Is Tony Benn a lapsed grandee?

Truck of the Day

DAILY EXPRESS TO EUROPE


Why? Haven't they suffered enough?

I Spy- Tarmac

This is the bit of tarmac that I stared at for about an hour on the M1 this morning. (Many more available on Flickr)

Didn't we do well?!

Open University content has reached number one on the iTunes U downloads chart with the track ‘Bottled Water’ achieving 19,471 downloads in just four days.

This is not even a thinly disguised attack on bottled water.

So why does the OU supply so much bottled water to its staff, courtesy of Nestle?

New grandson shows amazing sign language ability

More whale news

The best fossilised ancient whales have been found in the Himalayas. So I guess they gave up moutaineering to return to the ocean.

Slowly, slowly, catchy plankton

On the radio it said that when the whales re-entered the oceans they acquired flippers "very very quickly - it only took about 3 million years!"

Truck of the Day

A timber company with the strapline "Everything that wood should be"

Essential qualities

a) Be wooden
b) Err, that's it

Nice bus stops

More at http://bit.ly/q2fnE

Nothing goes unpuniched

Recently discovered documents from The Punic War Trials reveal that Hannibal was hauled over the coals for his expense claims.

While he was allowed the 37,000 pairs of gloves for his troops, his claims for 37 "War elephants" were turned down on the grounds that they were not fit for purpose and because Hannibal had made a fat profit by selling elephant manure to Senators.

Today's expenses news

The leader of the Lib Dems says he will come down like "a ton of bricks" on MPs fiddling expenses.

But can he claim for those bricks?

Is this why Northampton is full of potholes?

Sign painted on road in Singapore

Teach yourself Chinese- Lesson 1

Moats, beams and expenses

MPs are entitled to claim for expenditure "necessary for a member to incur to ensure that he or she could properly perform his or her parliamentary duties"

How would you rate these claims?

a)David Heathcoat-Amery - £380 of horse manure

b) Douglas Hogg - £2000 for moat-clearing

c)Tony Blair - £1,800 for makeup (1999-2005)

Changing light bulbs

Q How much does it cost to change the shadow universities secretaries light bulbs?

A David Willetts, the shadow universities secretary, spent more than £100 on workmen to replace 25 lightbulbs at his home. He said: "We had problems with our lighting system which had caused many lights to fuse and needed the attention of an electrician."

One that intrigued Patrina