Its not roofing science

Can you spot the difficulty?

29 November 2007	Help Me
Conservatory Roof
Does anyone know of someone who can take a look at my sloping flat roof, I have a minor problem with it. Many thanks.

McClaren defends his defeated team

Steve McClaren said last night that his policy of selecting young players was right. It was not his fault that four of them forgot their kit.

Meanwhile...

Heathrow appears to have reached its limit.

OU parking problem solved?

The Smart solution.

Art imitating Art?

a) A cartoon in Private Eye



b) and c) An OU PhD student "poster"

Punk came late to the Lake District

The complete painting kit?

From the ever-entertaining Intranet ads.

Artist Easel

Daler Rowney town and country artist easel. Never used £30 Picture available

Don't swear in front of the VC

A research study at "a Norwich university" claims that swearing in the workplace reduces stress. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/norfolk/7047536.stm

However it also says that "In most scenarios, in particular in the presence of customers or senior staff, profanity must be seriously discouraged or banned."

Sellafield cleans up its act

OU ups the pressure on car-sharing?

Lock up your rabbits

This is the first confirmed case of Lapinary Green Tongue

IgNobly done!

Where to begin with this year's crop of IgNobel awards? The extraction of vanilla essence from cow dung? The proof that rats cannot distinguish between Dutch and Japanese when spoken backwards?

Choose for yourself at
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7026150.stm

My favourite is the use of viagra to cure jetlag in hamsters.

You must be bananas to queue here!

The natives at my local petrol station are perplexed

It's a cosmic jungle out there

The Intranet announces that:



"Professor Jocelyn Bell Burnell from the University of Bath will be held on Tuesday 9 October on 'Pulsars and extreme physics' in the Robert Hooke seminar room at 7.30pm."


Apparently she has asked for several other offences to be taken into account. These are believed to involve her exposing other heavenly bodies.

Sign of signs!

Beware of crabs!

Nothing gets past the eagle-eyed Northants police!

Competition

The BPP brochure is at http://www.bpp.com/holdings/brochure/corporate_brochure.pdf

(They say that "BPP stands for quality and innovation in professional education and training" which shows a spectacular disregard for the rules of acronyms)

I will award a small prize to the first person who can spot a BPP "Student" who is also an OU "Student"

BPPrepared

The Privy Council has announced that BPP, a for-profit education company, is to be allowed to award degrees.

Browsing its courses I found this interesting one below. My tip to them would be to invest in a Spell Checker.

Islamic Finance Qualifcation

Many experts are estimating the growth of the Islamic finance industry at 15-20% per annum with some predicting that in the future, the Islamic finance industry could become a major competitor to the conventional finance industry.

Islamic finance is important in helping the City of London maintain and develop its status as the global financial centre. Presently, it is estimated that Islamic banks and financial institutions manage some US$200-300 billion of funds all over the world (Standard & Poors Islamic Finance Outlook 2006).

EARLI warning

The conference in Budapest allowed for a little "dental tourism".

However, while my implant is fine, this woman seemed less impressed with her breast reduction treatment.

Life is uncertain

John Edward tickets

I may have 2 tickets to see the famous US medium, John Edward, at Apollo Victoria in London this Sunday evening. Knock once if you want them. Twice if you don't want them.

Punctuation Shock!!@~#!?

Student Services have declared that the use of the semi-colon (;) is a grave threat to campus security.

Important Information
• It has recently come to light that it is not possible to use the semi colon character(;) when answering emails. Having contacted the software manufacturer, it is not possible to change this as it affects system security. Please do not use this character in emails.

Shipshape and Cardiff Fashion

Many years ago I floated the idea of a distance education university based on a decommissioned aircraft carrier.

Today I read in the Sun that Cardiff University are launching the "Scholar Ship" - an "international ocean-going campus". With stops in places like Panama, Tahiti and Hong Kong, it costs £10,000 pounds a term.

Shame about the thumb

I like many millions was fascinated by the story of the man who had his thumb surgically altered so that he could manage his new iPhone more easily.

Sadly it was a hoax.

http://www.newwest.net/index.php/city/article/the_great_thumb_surgery_hoax/C94/L94/

I have cancelled my op to have a USB port implanted in my left nostril.

All is revealed

The rail is to hold mountain-climbers on!

Can you see the cable?



But remember - no mountain bikes!

Don't panic!

Having escaped Hurricane Dean, the campus is now threatened by the "Historic Church Bike Ride". Some 30 people on bikes will pour onto the campus via the redway! The following message from Estates reasuures us that nobody will be affected and no special precautions are required, but do not drop your guard! We must "take care as usual when using the roadways and pathways"!

Please be advised that the following event will be taking place:

Unique ID No: OPS040

Short Title: Historic Churches Bike Ride

Type of event taking place: Historic Church Bike Ride x 30 people

Areas affected: Bike Riders will enter and leave the campus from the Redway behind the Church to register at the Church door

Date event commences: Saturday 8 September 2007 9.30am

Date of Completion: Saturday 8 September 2007 6pm

Date of Notice: Wednesday 22 August 2007

Who affected: None

Alternative arrangements: No alternative arrangements are required
Staff are reminded to take care as usual when using the roadways and pathways around the campus

Accessible Routes: All roads will be accessible
For further information and advice regarding alternative accessible routes please contact the Estates Liaison Line.

Specific health & safety precautions: None required

Details: We apologise for any inconvenience caused

Off the rails

Young men are attaching these mystery rails along the top of every walkway.

What are they for?

a) MK is at last to get its planned monorail?
b) So that people with wheel chairs can insert their wheels in them?
c) A scenic model railway?
d) A safety attachment for the men who are attaching the rails?

Please add your suggestions.

Gimme shelter

Estates have pulled out all the stops to make sure that the minibus does not get wet. But what about the poor smokers standing in the rain in their little Green Square?

Police want ‘Tesco jails’

We are checking with the Home office whether:

a) Inmates would qualify under the OU Prison Scheme, and

b) They would be able to pay with their Tesco vouchers.

Up the aristocracy!

2.         Opening of the Robert Hooke Building

Dear Colleagues,

The plan is to divide the event into three parts. Because of concerns over the weather, the formal unveiling of a plaque will take place in a marquis erected outside the Robert Hooke building.

You do the science

1. “OU Research shows that as worms munch through our kitchen scraps on the way to making compost for us, they give off nitrous oxide.”

2. “The fatal explosion in the Mojave desert that hit the Virgin space programme was caused by nitrous oxide.”

I don't know about you but I am not going to walk behind any worms for a while.

Ever wondered..?

.. what they do in the Regions? All was revealed when the OU announced that the Corps had won the tender for campus security.

"The Corps is one of the top security companies in the UK and an SIA Approved Contractor. We specialise in providing corporate security and have over 3,000 licensed security staff which operate from our 13 regional offices throughout the UK."

Logo Jam

The OU used to have problems in the early day over clashes with the Philips logo





Today I was surprised to see this Cubist version from Hotpoint.

Whereas we in the UK...

.. are very attentive. We even protect our roadworks from the rain.

Give me voice-activated software - now!

"But what is more staggering is that there are almost 67 times as many germs in a keyboard than on a toilet seat, a sobering thought given many of us spend a large chunk of our lives hammering away at the keys."

http://www.micromart.co.uk/features/article/default.aspx?id=22858

Waterwheels

This was taken in NZ but seems topical

A sign in Barcelona

What about the women?

Serious incident on campus

Police are investigating how a man wearing boxing gloves came to be run over by a yellow line marking machine.

If you have any information that you think may be relevant, you are seriously deluded.